Southern Exile

Richmond Falls Down

Photographic evidence of urban decay from Richmond, Virginia.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/visualart/255564_akersobit13.html

SHINE ON

From a Richmond Times Dispatch Article about The Moonshine Industry in Virgina:

"The work of most ABC agents largely involves licensing businesses to sell alcohol, then making sure they don't sell it to minors. But the work of the moonshine unit takes the agents deep into the state's back country, into the land of coon dogs and pickup trucks, little country stores and good ol' boys raised on farms and given a shotgun before their first kiss."

I stumbled upon this new phenomenon - the alcohol vaporizer! AWOL ('alcohol without liquid') seems to come from some sketchy guy in Florida. The big boozemakers like Diagio are sour on this product.


AWOL claims that this method of consuming alcohol 'reduces the effects of a hangover and is low carbohydrate'. On the downside, the AWOL looks like the kind of paraphernalia someone with REALLY bad asthma would have to lug around. It takes half an hour to get 'one vaporizer shot' of alcohol (this feature is promoted as a 'built in safety device'. On the upside, you can use whatever type of booze you would like.


Incredibly homoerotic promotional pic of "The Ultimate Party Toy"

The Day of The Groundhog

Life in the South continues to get better and worse in spurts. On the upside, I am discovering my new neighborhood and trying to get out a little more. Work at the Devil's workshop is holding it's charm and fascination for me. On the other hand, I have developed 'Raynaud's Phenomena', a condition where my fingertips and toes periodicaly turn an alarming shade of blue.

I perservere. I now know more of the details I was missing before. Like the fact that tonight is karaoke night at Babes, the bar with the big rainbow banner. I won't be there, I am heading to bed early.

1492-11: Jerez and Torres Discover Smoking; Jerez Becomes First European Smoker

Rodrigo de Jerez and Luis de Torres, in Cuba searching for the Khan of Cathay (China), are credited with first observing smoking. They reported that the natives wrapped dried tobacco leaves in palm or maize "in the manner of a musket formed of paper." After lighting one end, they commenced "drinking" the smoke through the other. Jerez became a confirmed smoker, and is thought to be the first outside of the Americas. He brought the habit back to his hometown, but the smoke billowing from his mouth and nose so frightened his neighbors he was imprisoned by the holy inquisitors for 7 years. By the time he was released, smoking was a Spanish craze.

Source: http://www.tobacco.org/History/Tobacco_History.html

Singing about The Man Who Had to Shoot His Dog

I subscribe to Napster, and I was listening to it last night as I chatted online. I had Napster create a custom radio station for me, based on the songs in my library. It started off great, a few songs into it they played one of my favorite Sonic Youth songs. "The music they pick for you always sucks," remarked my friend.

"It's all in the math," I replied, "Tonight their algorithm is working." I felt lucky.

Then it happened. The radio broke into an old spooky country song I never heard before. It was something about 'Ole Shep'. The song went on and on. My father had a dog named Shep when he was a boy, I think it was the first and last pet HE ever owned. We had different pets growing up, but Shep was the last pet that was truly his.

Great, I thought, maybe I can make a CD as a Christmas gift. The last album my father bought was Paul Simon's Graceland, back around 1986.

At this point I couldn't tell if Shep was a dog or a horse, but it didn't matter. Then somehow a veterinarian got involved in the song and suddenly Shep was on his deathbed. The guy started singing about having to shoot ole Shep and I still couldn't tell if he was singing about a dog or a horse. It went on and on, getting sadder at each twang. Finally, the song ended with a verse about how Shep was the best dog in the world and how the man would never again have a friend so faithful and true.

Thoroughly depressed by this song, I resolved to find something different for Dad's gift this year.

Escape from Exile

I headed outside the Commonwealth of VA for the weekend. We went to Savannahah, Georiga - an unexploited paradise of hedonisim. It was like New Orleaneans without the Frat Boys. We stayed at the Westin acorss the water and enjoyed the free water taxi servce to cater to our drunken asses (of course they gave out much earlier than we did). Savannah was beautiful, historic, and charming. Spanish Moss hangs from the trees and their open container laws are relaxed. Food is good and various Tapas bars serve alligaor or frog legs for 6-8$ US per sampling.

Back in VA, all is groovy. Even an 280 billion 'RICO' lawsuit can't break my stride.

Smoke up, buttercup.

xxoo